Monthly Archive for October, 2001

by Agent Todd

What happens when you ‘Yes And’ a stranger.

It was around 1 PM when I first saw him. I had just finished a job interview and was walking through Union Square on my way home via the L train. He was standing in middle of the southern area of the park in front of an uninterested crowd. The man was black and at least 50 years old. In his left hand he held a yellow pocket radio, and his right hand was clad with a fierce black glove. In front of him lay the Holy Bible. The Doors’ “Touch Me” blared out of the radio, and the man moved about with a style not unlike “Losing My Religion”-era Michael Stipe, as he shouted incoherently. I had to hear the story behind this display; I approached him.

Todd: Hi.

(pause)

Todd: What’s the radio for?
Man: The radio?
Todd: Yes.
Man: The radio is the voice of the people.
Todd: So you see it as a symbol? It represents humanity?
Man: A symbol? The radio is the people. I like the songs. They are familiar to me.
Todd: Are you preaching? I can’t understand what you’re shouting.
Man: Preaching? I am always preaching.
Todd: Is that what the Bible is for?
Man: The Bible? No! The Bible is part of the Trinity.
Todd: And what’s that?
Man: The Trinity is (pointing to radio) the Father, (pointing to Bible) the Son, (pointing to himself), and the Holy Ghost.
Todd: So you’re the Holy Ghost?
Man: Yes. This is my park. I live here. All of these people are my people.
Todd: So you think of all of these people as your congregation?
Man: Congregation? No! We are all a congregation.
Todd: Do you like The Doors?
Man: The Doors?
Todd: The music playing.
Man: I like all music. It is the people.

My curiosity was satisfied. The man wasn’t just some crazy guy playing a radio, dancing, and mumbling about The Bible; he was a crazy guy playing a radio, dancing, and mumbling about The Bible who thought he was the Holy Ghost. I went home.

I returned to Union Square at 6 PM to meet Agent Lovejoy. We had plans to create a scene somewhere in town. As he was walking to meet me in the park, I gave him a cell phone call and told him, “When you get to the park, you don’t know me.” The man was still there, still playing the radio, and still moving and shouting.

One of the most important concepts in improvisation is that of `Yes And’. During a scene, experienced improvisers will take their partner’s statement and both agree with and add to it. Agreement is key. For example, if one player begins a scene with the line “These reports are all wrong!,” his partner may Yes And him by replying, “Sorry boss. I’ve just been so wrapped up with my divorce that I can’t seem to do anything right these days” (i.e., “YES I accept your offer of being my boss, AND I will add to the scene by revealing that my work is suffering due to my personal life”). I decided to see what kind of scene I could create if I Yes And-ed the guy in the park.

Todd: Hi. Remember me? I’ve been thinking about everything you said earlier today, and it’s really starting to make sense.

(pause)

Todd: Do you need any followers? I really want to learn more from you. I could be a disciple or something.
Man: Hold this.

The man gives me a plastic knife and fork (I’m assuming he used them to eat lunch earlier in the day). I hold on to them in one hand, tightly. The man begins to walk away.

Todd: (shouting after him) What do I do with the knife and fork?
Man: (shouting as he walks away) You will understand! I will return! You will understand!

I stand by myself and follow his instructions. Those sitting in Union Square begin to stare, point, and whisper. Agent Lovejoy arrives.

Lovejoy: Excuse me sir? Why are you standing there with a knife and fork?
Todd: What? Oh…they were given to me by this guy that preaches here. He told me to wait here.

Lovejoy reveals that he is a priest of Scientology and tries to convince me to come with him and learn more. I thank him for the offer but I insist that I must wait for the preacher man to return. Two punks, seated nearby, enter the conversation.

Punk 1: Why is it so important to you to wait on him to come back?
Todd: What do you mean? He told me to.
Punk 1: But why is does it matter so much? You don’t even know that guy.
Todd: I don’t know…I guess I’m just really confused right now.
Punk 2: And you’re looking for something to ground you?
Todd: Yeah. I think that’s what we’re all looking for. After everything that’s been going on… I just feel so lost. I looked at this guy and it was clear to me that he knew exactly what he is supposed to be doing.

The man returns. I rush to meet him. I’m still clutching the knife and fork.

Todd: (yelling) I’ve been waiting! I’m still holding on!
Man: Yes. Yes. Yes, you have. Let’s go.
Todd: Yes! Let’s get out of here.
Man: Come with me. We are going places.
Todd: Yes, we are. We’re going to new places together.
Man: We are going places.

I follow him and we begin to head south. Lovejoy trails a step behind us, still trying to convince me to go with him. Despite the glaring `Don’t Walk’ sign, and the steady traffic, the man crosses 14th Street with out looking. I’m right there with him. 2 cars slam on brakes and screech to a halt as we cross the street. It was like Moses parting the Red Sea.

Man: People must learn to deal with me!
Todd: You’re absolutely right. They must learn to deal with us! We’re here!

We continue on our walk and turns out that the `place’ we are going is a corner store where the man can buy a coffee. He opens up his backpack, revealing several bottles of prescription medicine. He over pays for the coffee by about a dollar, throwing the money at the register.

Man: Money! Money! Money! Everyone wants money! They will never say no to money. Money is nothing!
Todd: Yeah! We don’t need money! All we need is ourselves.

We walk back to the square and sit down. The two punks are still there and are now laughing out loud at us. I am still holding on to the knife and fork. The man hands me the coffee.

Man: You will take the first sip.
Todd: I don’t even drink coffee, but I’m going to take a sip, anyway!
Man: Yes, you are. Of course.

I take a sip. He smiles and takes his own sip.

Man: Now we are brothers.
Todd: We are brothers. I can feel it.
Man: We learn how to share.
Todd: We share this coffee together. People will learn to deal with us.
Man: I am waiting for my bride.
Todd: I am, too. I know she will be here soon.
Man: My bride is a woman. She is not a homo.
Todd: I know. How long have you been waiting?
Man: Many years. She will meet me here. I live here, in the park.
Todd: I’m sure our brides will find us.
Man: Drink more coffee.
Todd: Thank you.

Minister and Disciple

We sit in silence for a bit. I ask Lovejoy, who has given up on converting me to Scientology if he wouldn’t mind taking a few pictures of my new friend and me. The man is very happy to be in the pictures. We say `brothers’ instead of `cheese’. I tell him that I must go, but that I will return to visit him. We hug and part ways. Lovejoy sits down near the punks.

Punk 1: Did you know that guy?
Lovejoy: No.
Punk 1: So you’re just intervening?
Lovejoy: Yeah…he seemed a little lost.
Punk 2: You’ve got to protect people from the crazy people. What do you do?
Lovejoy: I’m a priest of Scientology.

(awkward pause)

Punk 1: Well, I like to intervene by throwing rocks at old people.
Lovejoy: (serious) I guess that intervenes with their life.

(pause)

Lovejoy leaves.

“Brothers”

All in all the mission was fantastic experience for me, and I think the man (we never exchanged names) had a great time, as well. It was exciting to see the world from a completely different perspective, and I think I was able to make the scene as exciting as possible (without angering, offending, or making fun of the man) simply by agreeing with every ‘offer’ I was given.. I suppose I could have made more offers of my own, but this guy was doing some pretty damn great work by himself. Mission accomplished.

Featuring Agents: Lovejoy, Todd, and Keech

Why just ride the train, when you can take everyone on a ride?

The New York City subway. As intricate and fascinating a system it is, it’s usually not the best place to go looking for joy and happiness. People keep to themselves as they read, tune out with earphones, or simply stare at the ground. In the summer it’s too hot, and in the winter it’s too cold. There’s really not much going besides the never-ending process of waiting.

Sure, every now and then some sort of performance occurs on a train, maybe a break dancer, a singer, or a sad soul telling his life story, but the performance is always followed by a request for money. The trapped audience knows that the plead for donations is on the way, and most folks try to ignore what’s going on so as to not feel compelled to pay for it.

But the typical subway ride is dead silent. When people do talk to each other on the train, everyone else listens. This is what IE agents Keech, Lovejoy, and Todd have taken advantage of: a venue where everyone is ready to listen and has nothing to lose.

Mission One: The Long Lost Brother

Lovejoy and Todd enter the crowded, rush hour train separately. Moments into the ride Lovejoy taps Todd on the shoulder and the scene begins:

Lovejoy: Excuse me.
Todd: Yes?
Lovejoy: Were you by any chance adopted?
Todd: What? … Yes.
Lovejoy: Really? Because I have this photo at home of my birth brother… and it really looks like you.
Todd: Oh. Okay.
Lovejoy: Where are you from?
Todd: South Carolina.
Lovejoy: Really? No way. That’s where I grew up.
Todd: Wow.

(awkward pause. the entire train is now listening.)

Lovejoy: You don’t by chance have a birthmark on your right thigh do you?
Todd: Yes… yes… I do. I do.
Lovejoy: I can’t believe this… this is…
Todd: Are you sure…
Lovejoy: This is amazing…
Todd: You live here?
Lovejoy: I’ve been looking for you for years…
Todd: I don’t believe this is happening…
Lovejoy: …and now I find you on the train…

(Todd and Lovejoy hug. Those surrounding them are smiling with joy.)

Lovejoy: I’m Allan Richards.
Todd: I’m Robert Patterson… or I guess, Richards!
Lovejoy: This is so wonderful. What stop are you on?
Todd: The Rego Park stop.
Lovejoy: I live at the Steinway stop!
Todd: That’s like 5 stops from me!
Lovejoy: I know, can you believe we’ve been living so close to each other?
Todd: This is so unbelievable.
Lovejoy: Maybe you’d want to come over this afternoon for a coffee or something.
Todd: Yes… that would be great.

The entire car was visibly touched by this heartfelt reunion of the brothers that had never met. Lovejoy and Todd were on the verge of tears. The scene ended up developing into a less inspiring outcome. Todd revealed he was a devout Baptist Christian, and Lovejoy informed him that by birth, he was Jewish. Todd became very uncomfortable with the knowledge that he was Jewish by ethnicity and that his birth family did not share his beliefs. The happiness the two shared for their reunion was replaced by awkward silences. Todd agreed to visit with Lovejoy, but “for only a few minutes”.

Did those riding the train believe that they had just witnessed a real reunion? Yes. Is that the point? No. The train was taken from it’s normal overcrowded and irritated state to an intriguing scene that, regardless of the awkward outcome, will always be a great story for those who witnessed it.

Mission Two: The Shoes

Keech and Todd enter the train separately. Keech seems to be having difficulty figuring out which stop he needs to get off on.

Todd: Are you lost?
Keech: No.

(pause)

Todd: What are you a tourist or something?
Keech: No.

(pause)

Todd: You go to NYU?
Keech: Yeah.

(pause)

Todd: So your parents pay for everything you do.
Keech: Is there something wrong with that?
Todd: Dude, I was just trying to help you figure out where you’re going. You don’t need to start a fight, man.
Keech: I’m not trying to start anything. I just don’t appreciate you calling me a tourist and insulting me.
Todd: I’m not insulting anyone. What’s your problem? You think just ’cause you’re rich you can be an ass on the train?
Keech: What’s your problem?

(long pause)

Keech: Hey man. I’m sorry about that. I don’t know why that had to happen.
Todd: Yeah. Sorry man. I’ve just had a long day. It’s cool.
Keech: Hey, do you want to trade shoes?
Todd: What?
Keech: Let’s trade shoes.
Todd: Okay. Sure.

(Keech and Todd trade shoes. The train stops, and both exit, separately.)

Mission Three: The Jacket

Inspired by the success of the shoe scene, Keech and Todd took it to the next level with this mission. Once again Keech and Todd entered a subway car, separately. Keech is wearing a newly-purchaed jump suit; Todd is wearing blue jeans and a gray polo shirt.

Todd: Hey man. Where did you get that jacket?
Keech: I just bought it in the village.
Todd: Cool.

(pause)

Todd: Man, I’ve been looking for a jacket like that for a long time.
Keech: Yeah. I like it.

(pause)

Todd: Hey, do you think I could try your jacket on?
Keech: Try it on?
Todd: Yeah, I just want to see how it looks on me.
Keech: Um… yeah. Sure. I guess. Can I try your shirt on?
Todd: You want to try this shirt on?
Keech: Yeah.
Todd: Okay. I don’t know why anyone would want this boring shirt, but sure, whatever you want.

(Todd takes off his shirt and Keech takes off the jacket. They trade. Most people sitting around them are fighting back laughter. Some are unafraid and laughing out loud.)

Todd: Man! This jacket is awesome! It’s just what I’m looking for. How do I look?
Keech: You look great.
Todd: How much would you want for this.
Keech: You know what… why don’ t you just keep it.
Todd: What? Really?
Keech: Yeah. This shirt fits me fine. Just keep it.
Todd: Thanks! This is so cool. Thank you so much!

(A woman in back of train can’t stop repeating, “They HAVE to know each other!”. Young man sitting across from Keech is laughing so loud he has to cover his face with his hands. There is a long pause.)

Todd: You know, those pants you have really match this jacket perfectly.
Keech: You don’t…
Todd: Maybe you could at least tell me where I could buy them?
Keech: You want to try them on?
Todd: Well…yeah, I do. Do you want try my jeans?
Keech: I don’t know if they’ll fit me, but yeah, let’s do it.

(Woman in back of train screams, “No, they’re not! No way!” Todd takes off his shoes and jeans and is now standing in his boxer shorts and jump suit jacket. He waits as Keech tries to untie his shoes. Keech takes his sweet time.)

Keech: You know what? I really don’t think those jeans are going to fit me. This isn’t going to work.
Todd: So you’re not going to let me try on your pants?
Keech: No, I don’t think so.
Todd: So you’re not taking your pants off?
Keech: No.
Todd: This is great. You get me to strip down in my underwear and embarrass myself in front of all these people, and then you tell me I can’t even try on the shorts!?
Keech: I’m sorry. There’s just no point. You can keep the jacket.
Todd: Well. Thanks. Thanks for humiliating me in front of the whole train.

(Todd puts his pants and shoes back on and walks to the other side of the train. He sits and stares at the ground, embarrassed. The next stop, Todd gets up and leaves the train. Keech stays.)

Those left on the train try to get Keech to admit that he knew Todd. Keech denies it until the end and claims, “After all that this city has gone through, isn’t it time to do nice things for strangers? That guy needed the jacket more than I did.” Did those on the train believe that Keech and Todd really didn’t know each other? Probably not. Were they treated do an unexpected dose of comedy on their way home? Absolutely. Missions Accomplished.